Bay Is Dumb As A Rock!

   

     I wanna begin by saying I do like this movie.  I've liked it since I watched it the first time in the theater.  While I am not a very big fan of Michael Bay, mainly because pretty much every film he has ever made is ridiculous and could not ever happen, but they are kinda fun to watch with a huge bag of popcorn.  But this movie, The Rock, has some things that bug the shit outta me!
     First things first though, the acting is well...the same acting you would get in any Michael Bay film...barely passable, with the exception of Sean Connery.  To spoil some shit for you people reading this that the filmmakers made Connery's character John Mason to be...DING, DING, DING...James Bond if he were caught on U.S. soil in 1976 and like all Bond movies MI-6 would have to act as if he never existed.  That part about this film is something I think is way awesome and give Bay a really high five for.  All other actors in this, whether they have proved themselves in other films pre and post just do some Bay acting.
     Special effects are not many with one exception of the one guy being infected by the VX gas in the weapons vault which looks really cool and very painful.  The action set pieces are what Bay likes to do.  So, all the money for effects went into blowing shit up and fire.  Still kinda fun to watch though.
     So, about the unforgivable stuff.  I may be nitpicking a bit considering I was in the Marine Corps, which is most of the military branch in the movie, but the uniforms Mr. Bay, the uniforms.  Why the fuck can't they make the uniforms look right.  Marines have U.S. Marines and their last name stitched above their breast pockets on the camouflage utilities.  Just make the uniforms right to give people a bit of realism.  Okay, next thing is staying with the Marine thing, what is up with the hair?  All of General Hummel's men have stupid ass haircuts.  One guy has a wannabe topknot like he is a discount Samurai, and he isn't even Japanese.  There is another guy with a line around his head, now I know of the high and tight but he has no fade, just a line around his head.  Other ones have facial hair to the point of being way past stubble which is bullshit as well.  Now I know what your thinking, "But these guys are criminals and do not care about the Marine Corps regulations".  Well, I beg to differ on that subject.  The film takes place over the course of a few days, so at the beginning we have these guys in the state I just poorly described already.  One more thing on the Marine aspect, I hate it in a military based movie when they say "Oh 9 hundred", when anyone that has been in the U.S. military knows you say "Zero 9 hundred hours".  I don't know for sure but I think filmmakers have like a military consultant on set with them as to make it seem more realistic, if they don't then Michael Bay is dumb as a rock.
     I will say again I do like this film as a fun little action film and if anything it is a good way to spend 2 hours or so.  It is an obvious one for any action movie junkie and should not be missed.
     

Boy, Hollywood Needs To Stop Remaking Old Material!

   

 To all that have seen the original Korean film and refuse to watch this one...check it out.  It is almost completely faithful.  Almost as...about 85%.  Now the things they changed is why dude was imprisoned, the amount of time he was imprisoned and what he did when he found out who his daughter is.  That really is it, honestly.
     I am gonna say I do not really get into remakes very much, especially when it is an Asian film to begin with.  I have another post about that particular subject so if you want to know just find it.  This remake or re-imagining as Hollywood likes to call it, although we all know it just a simple remake, was directed by non other then Spike Lee.  To me this story seems a bit odd for Spike considering his past films.  This is very far from any of those, but I don't think a director should stay with what works all the time.  I do believe in taking some chances because it has gone both ways in the past.  I think he did good in this case with the exception of the ending change.  The way I see this is, if your gonna do a remake of a beloved Korean film and for the most part stay true to the original but then skimp out on the dramatic ending of the original, don't do it.  Most of the time the filmmakers say they couldn't do the remake the same because American audiences don't understand or they can't handle it, well I say bullshit to that!  I have been watching foreign films for years now and I always understand them and there may have been times where I say to myself...That was fucked up!...but I never thought it should or needed to be changed.
     I do have to say that the acting in it is really well done.  All the actors in it do a very good job selling their characters as being real.    So I have absolutely no complaint from that department.
     Special effects are really only some blood and cutting of human flesh but not much else.  The hammer scene is done differently here then the original but it is still entertaining to watch.  But I think that's where the special effects budget was spent and not a total waste either.
     I won't lie and say I hated it like so many other people that have sworn off remakes like the plague and refuse to watch them just for the reason that they are remakes.  I watch all remakes and very few have come close to the original but I enjoyed this except for obvious dislike for the changing the ending.  I think all should watch this who like revenge and movies that ask questions you have to figure out.

They Lied...I Wasn't Next!

     It's a home invasion tale.  So, if I just ruined it for you then you apparently do not keep up your movie news.  This is a low budget film,  and that budget was not spent on actors.  I think out of the 12 people in it I may have seen one of them before, but I'm still not sure about that one.  The main character is a chick by the name of Sharni Vinson, another I had never seen before that I can remember anyway.  She has her native Australian accent which adds a bit of sexuality, yes, the accent alone does it for me.  
     So all the other actors in it with the exception of Miss Vinson might as well be in a soap opera because that is pretty much their acting range.  Acting overall?  Don't watch it if you want something with great acting a great story for that matter.  The story is quite predictable to the point of making it not jumpy or even dramatic.  There isn't much else to say about this movie because it was really just a "Blahh" film to me.
     Although there is something in pretty much all horror or thriller movies that gets under my skin.  Why is it in all of them there is at least one person that acts like they are in a horror movie?  I mean nothing has happened yet to get you to the point of being jumpy through every door.  They turn on the lights and check the whole room before they just go to the fridge and grab a glass of water.  Noone in real life does that, do they?  I think most probably only go straight to the fridge without ever turning the light on.
     Another thing about these types of films that is just annoying is the people that just give up and have no sense of self preservation.  They either just start crying and are annoying as all hell until they are either killed or just not on screen.  Shit hits the fan and what do the others do?  Scream, scream and more scream.  What is that doing? Other then giving the bad guys a lock on your position it is just weird.  It would be this time that they all give up and the only person worth a shit comes out and defends themselves against their would-be attacker and kicks the shit outta them and all the other chicken shits look at her like she is the odd one.  Maybe they don't understand that it could have been them.......and they would be dead because they wouldn't fight back.  

Absolutely No...Gravity

     I really do not know where to start with this one.  There was so much buzz about this movie and how great it is and that it is gonna win the Oscar for best picture and best actress.  I am gonna be very frank here...if this film wins anything, my faith in the MPAA has gone to shit.  I don't think I didn't like it because my hopes were too high and don't, for a minute think that because most people love it, I just have to hate it to be different.  That is not the case at all.  
     So, I start this movie thinking to myself I am in for a treat.  I got a nice helping of shit sandwich.  Now I do not usually dislike everything about a film because I have seen so many in my lifetime that I can usually find at least one redeeming factor.  So far this film gets nothing.  It essentially has 2 actors, George Clooney and Sandra Bullock.  2 of the best and brightest Hollywood has to offer.  Didn't help here.  Miss Bullock basically talks to herself the whole time.  And spoilers...Mr. Clooney isn't in it very long.
     So apparently in the orbit of Earth where this movie takes place there is nothing in English.  We go from a Russian satellite to a Chinese satellite.  We get Bullock outside one of these and she is releasing some straps from it and she turns around to see a space cloud of some shit with a ton of debris in it.  And here comes the miracle, every single thing in this scene gets hit by this debris except her.  How convenient for the plot.  Also we have another miracle in the form of Sandra Bullock's brain.  From watching this film I have learned that it takes about 1 minute flat to learn how to pilot a Russian and a Chinese space station.  And her character is a medical engineer!  Not even a fuckin' astronaut.  And why are all the manuals for these space stations picture books?  Were they expecting random visitors in orbit that do not speak or read their language?  Absolute horseshit.  
     Every message board for this movie has all people writing about how awesome the special effects were.  Which ones?  I saw a whole lot of blatantly obvious CGI.  I do like alot of movies that are more CGI than anything and no, it doesn't look real for the most part but those are on actually animated characters that are talking and supposed to be alive.  The special effects here are all straps and bolts and mechanical shit.  All of which are usually the type of stuff a good special effects engineer gets perfect.  It is obvious they spent too much money on the 2 stars of the film they didn't have enough left for effects.  I mean even when it shows the 2 characters in their space suits it looks fake.  Looked exactly like a CGI cut and paste of a face into a space suit. 
     Another thing that bugged the living shit outta me was the movement of the characters.  When outside either space station Bullock can not for the life of her control her body.  Not the scenes where she is pushed or pulled but the scenes where all she needs to do is move from point A to point B.  She fucks it all up.  Now lets get her inside the space station.  She is like fuckin Superman in there.  Completely swooping through doors, changing course and stopping on a dime.  A few minutes later she is back outside and can't hold on to anything again or control her direction.  Must be all that wind out in space blowing her all around.
     One more thing to end this obvious angry review.  I think Sandra Bullock is pretty.  Not model or drop dead sexy but she is definitely "girl-next-door" material for sure.  How can a film take this woman and put her in a small skin tight tank top and tight ass boy shorts and it be the most unsexy thing I have seen in a film in years?  I know how, give her a lesbian bull-dyke haircut.  She really is not even attractive in this film. 

How Many Hours Are There In A Day?

 

     So for the past few years my life has been missing something.  Entertainment wise that is.  For the most part every TV show I watch has been cancelled and taken off the air.  There is 1 show that ended in 2010 that should never have been cancelled.  Maybe it is my own personal dream but I think there are many out there that feel the same way.  24, as in Jack Bauer is what I'm talking about.
     Jack Bauer is by far one of my favorite characters ever put to a screen ever.  I had some friends along time ago that watched 24 religiously but I never understood it.  About the time of season 5 I had a roommate that loved 24 and Charmed, so you can imagine now why I waited a long time to begin.  But during the time of this guy (I do not remember his name for the life of me) being my roommate I was always sitting there in the common room watching a movie on a portable DVD player or working on tattoos or some shit and he was always looking forward to 24.  At this point in time I was like alot of people today, and hated the series because I had never seen it, which is no reason to hate something.  So my roommate is watching this show and I had obviously missed the first 4 full seasons but I started watching it with him one day because he was looking forward to this episode for about a week and never shut up about it.  I don't remember the particulars of the episode but I remember it was stressful as hell watching it.  But, stressful in a good way, meaning it made you really care about the people on the screen.
     A few months had passed and I was no longer with a roommate as I had moved to a different location and I wanted to watch a show that I had never seen.  I decided through Netflix (back when they didn't have streaming) to start watching 24 from the beginning.  Now the first few episodes are, I gotta admit kinda boring, but are essential to the character of Jack Bauer.  It did not take me too long to get sucked into the 24 blackhole.  When it clicks in your brain it is the only thing you want to watch until it is done with.  And that's what I did.  I upgraded my Netflix to the 6 disc at a time option, which cost a hell of alot more than 1 at a time.  I only upgraded it because the show pulls you in so much that there is absolutely no way for any person to be able to wait the time it takes for Netflix to send you the next disc.  This way I had most of the discs of whatever season I was in.
     Come 2010 and we are now in season 8.  I am still hooked on it.  Like an addict hooked on crack I cannot get 24 outta my system.  Although this happens to be the final season.  It ends and I enjoyed the way the producers ended the series but like all addicts it is not enough. I need more. And I need it now.  It never came.  The rumor mill started churning and the news of a 24 full featured film was in the works.  That also never happened.  Jack Bauer went on to make a show called Touch which was really good but got cancelled.  A few months ago another rumor began, and it was that 24 will have it's triumphant return.  This one is gonna happen.  On May 5th, 2014 Jack Bauer is making his return to TV.  I will definitely have a major relapse.

Use Your Own WiIlpower!

   

     Green Lantern!  How should I begin this particular review?  How about this way?  I love this movie.  I believe I have only met one other person than myself that even remotely likes it.  That person being my father.  Everyone says "Ryan Reynolds is not right for the role!".  I ask another question, Why is he not right for it?  He was in perfect shape for it.  He actually looks like the Hal Jordan from the comic book.  He is a good actor in action, comedy, drama and horror.  So, why is he not right?
     I want to get the story stuff out of the way first.  If you take any comic book character movie, there has been but maybe 3 or 4 that actually got the origin correct.  This being one of them, so go ahead and Google the shit out of Hal Jordan/Green Lantern origin and have fun with it.  It is spot on.  The things that were changed were the origin of Parallax who was actually Hal Jordan when he turned bad, but most of his archenemies are actually fought along side the Justice League.  So, I guess that is why they changed that part of the story.  They halfway changed the origin of Hector Hammond, they used his second origin story and not the first one, which is why I say "halfway".
     I think the acting is done well in this, maybe a bit more comic booky then say the Dark Knight Trilogy, which is the reason why I think most people dislike this movie because the latest Batman series has set a pretty high bar for realism in comic movies.  Especially since Batman and Green Lantern are supposed to be in the same universe.  Anyway, I digress yet again.  Acting is good by all in it.  There is alot of great actors in this film and they do what they were required to do by the director.  I mean Martin Campbell is a very good director, having directed 2 films that breathed new life into James Bond. Goldeneye with Pierce Brosnan and Casino Royale with Daniel Craig.  See he did it twice!  
     It is my belief that the reason most people hate this film is the special effects.  I think the majority of the CGI in this film is damn cool.  The thing I see as not very good is the effects on Ryan Reynolds when he is in the GL suit.  I understand why they chose to do it the way they did but it still doesn't take away the fact it looks like shit.  Come on man Ryan Reynolds has the build to be a superhero so why did you CGI a suit on him?  I will tell you why they did that.  They CGI the shit outta that suit because he isn't wearing a suit.  Even in the source material he isn't wearing a suit.  He has his regular clothes on then the ring puts a disguise on him in the form of green cosmic outfit.  But it really isn't there though.  The other group of people that say they do not like this film have never actually seen it, only a trailer, or someone told them it sucked so they automatically decided to follow their opinion instead of making their own.  You got to watch it to know what your talking about anyhow.
     I will say again I love this flick, it is fun and entertaining as hell with loads of visuals and some comedy thrown in for good measure.  It has a few gripping parts as well.  I do wish it made enough dough for them to make another one or maybe mix it with the Justice League film I know is in the works for a bunch of years from now.  But no, now they have to find someone else to play GL in the Justice League movie along side Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman, The 3 of which are already slated to be in the Man of Steel Sequel in 2016.    

I Do Believe I Saw Grimlock!

    I love sports.  Just not Football.  I find it incredibly boring and the season is way shorter than any other sport on this planet, and for no good reason.  So, needless to say I did not watch the Superbowl.  But, I do enjoy the commercials alot.  I had to work that night so when I got home that evening I looked up the movie trailers.  There were some okay ones and then 2 of them stick out.  First one is the teaser trailer for the new revival of 24, which I have been waiting for for quite some time now.  The second trailer was for a film I have not been waiting for at all.  Transformers: Age of Extinction.  I do like the other 3 movies in the series but only because they have really good special effects and robots and shit.  I could have done without all the human characters, especially Shia Labeouf.  In this trailer it looks just like the other films for the most part, until you get to see a gigantic 2 headed, pterodactyl like creature.  I thought "well, that was new"!  But it wasn't til the ending that I realized I am so incredibly stoked for part 4 of the Transformers.  What do we see Optimus Prime riding at the end? None other than Grimlock, the leader of the Dinobots!  I am sold! Doesn't matter the story in this instance because it's the freakin' Dinobots!
     We are now gonna take a really short look through time and see a bit of the D-bots.  In the 1980's when I was a kid I always like them, I liked all of them actually but for a kid dinosaurs are way cool.  Here is what the looked then back then.

      See, right in the middle?  The Tyrannosaurus Rex?  That is Grimlock.  I know, I know he may seem a little cheesy but what toys in the 80's weren't?  So this is the Dinobots I, and many other children of the 80's fell in love with.  Now fast forward to the present...

Here is the new Grimlock!  Damn that's cool!

Old Now, But Metallica Is Never Through!

   

     I am gonna get something out straight away...I love Metallica,  the real Metallica that is.  Not the "Load" and "Reload" Metallica, because frankly I believe those 2 albums should be banished from existence, they were a complete let down for me as I have listened to them since the beginning.  Kill 'Em All...Awesome, Ride the Lightning...Awesome, Master of Puppets...Awesome, ...And Justice For All...Awesome, The Black Album...1/2 Awesome...then they took a massive stinking shit on their ability to make great music.  St. Anger had 1 or maybe 2 tunes I like but the album's instruments sounded weird to me, almost like it was missing something.  Death Magnetic is Metallica trying to be "The" Metallica we all remember from the old days.  It has some pretty awesome guitar riffs and the percussion is back to not sounding fake, the lyrics are miles better then the 2 shit albums and James has started to yell a bit more like in the old days and do the "singing" thing.  Because let's all face the music here...get ready for it...James Hetfield cannot sing, but he can belt out a friggin' tune though.  I just hate it when he tries to "sing".  Also 1 more simple thing, Robert Trujillo is way outta place in this band.  I really miss Jason Newsted who took the late, great Cliff Burton's place.  Anyway, those are just my petty problems with the band.
     I have seen them live a few times and I gotta say they are by far the greatest live band I have seen, and I have been to many a concert.  The thing I love about them live is the fact they know what people want to hear.  They play alot of the older Metallica songs that made them famous to begin with and very minimal of the "shit" Metallica that pulled in people that haven't heard the original stuff, and by "original" I mean the first 5 albums.  So you still have to endure that excrement of songs called The Memory Remains and Fuel and Unforgiven 2.  But, Mostly they play the great stuff that made them known.
     Now I suppose I should get onto Through The Never.  This is unlike any of Metallica's full length videos to date, it's not a documentary like Some Kind of Monster and A Year and a Half in The Life of..., and it's not a live video either like Binge and Purge and Cunning Stunts.  It is a hybrid.  It is part live footage and part movie...yeah, the kind with actors and shit.  So I guess it could be called a really long music video, one that dwarfs Michael Jackson's Thriller.  It is pretty awesome though.  If you love the band obviously I don't have to say watch it because you probably already have or plan to anyway.  It has cool visuals in the acting parts and a kinda cool story that goes along with the songs they perform.  I would have to say check it out to all that like good music and interesting themes.

A Bad Day With A Nutcase

   

     Falling Down...what to say about this picture?  Well it's about a man that has problems in his head and on this particular day he finally snaps.  I don't say the "problems in his head" to be mean about it or disrespect any person that has or knows someone that has a bit of mental instability, I say it because every human on this planet has had the day where they think they can't take anymore and would like nothing more than to lash out at the world or at least scream to high hell and tell the world to FUCKIN' STOP IT ALREADY!  But, most people do have the power to suck it up and not act on it.  This film has Michael Douglas show us exactly what it's like to not have that power at all.  He does a spectacular job at it as well.  Robert Duvall plays the cop trying to catch the man in a white shirt and tie that carries a baseball bat and a bag full of guns.  So, what we have is 2 veteran actors doing what they been doing for a few decades...being awesome at their incredibly high paying job.
     Now, I must warn everyone of 1 thing though.  The picture is directed by Joel Schumacher.  Yes, The very same Joel Schumacher that absolutely destroyed the first real Batman series in the 90's.  For that, I agree he should never be able to make another film for as long as he lives but for the sake of this film here he did direct it before he killed the Caped Crusader.  So don't hold it against him just yet, this movie is pretty excellent.
     I would have to say anyone that would like a good drama, maybe a good cop trying to find a man or a movie of acting out when you've had it would probably enjoy this flick.  I enjoyed it the first time I watched it about 20 years ago when I was a teenager, except back then I thought it was kinda funny, which is weird.  Although I still find a few parts amusing but that may be because I have a rather odd sense of humor. Anyway, check it out if it sounds okay to you.