Absolutely No...Gravity

     I really do not know where to start with this one.  There was so much buzz about this movie and how great it is and that it is gonna win the Oscar for best picture and best actress.  I am gonna be very frank here...if this film wins anything, my faith in the MPAA has gone to shit.  I don't think I didn't like it because my hopes were too high and don't, for a minute think that because most people love it, I just have to hate it to be different.  That is not the case at all.  
     So, I start this movie thinking to myself I am in for a treat.  I got a nice helping of shit sandwich.  Now I do not usually dislike everything about a film because I have seen so many in my lifetime that I can usually find at least one redeeming factor.  So far this film gets nothing.  It essentially has 2 actors, George Clooney and Sandra Bullock.  2 of the best and brightest Hollywood has to offer.  Didn't help here.  Miss Bullock basically talks to herself the whole time.  And spoilers...Mr. Clooney isn't in it very long.
     So apparently in the orbit of Earth where this movie takes place there is nothing in English.  We go from a Russian satellite to a Chinese satellite.  We get Bullock outside one of these and she is releasing some straps from it and she turns around to see a space cloud of some shit with a ton of debris in it.  And here comes the miracle, every single thing in this scene gets hit by this debris except her.  How convenient for the plot.  Also we have another miracle in the form of Sandra Bullock's brain.  From watching this film I have learned that it takes about 1 minute flat to learn how to pilot a Russian and a Chinese space station.  And her character is a medical engineer!  Not even a fuckin' astronaut.  And why are all the manuals for these space stations picture books?  Were they expecting random visitors in orbit that do not speak or read their language?  Absolute horseshit.  
     Every message board for this movie has all people writing about how awesome the special effects were.  Which ones?  I saw a whole lot of blatantly obvious CGI.  I do like alot of movies that are more CGI than anything and no, it doesn't look real for the most part but those are on actually animated characters that are talking and supposed to be alive.  The special effects here are all straps and bolts and mechanical shit.  All of which are usually the type of stuff a good special effects engineer gets perfect.  It is obvious they spent too much money on the 2 stars of the film they didn't have enough left for effects.  I mean even when it shows the 2 characters in their space suits it looks fake.  Looked exactly like a CGI cut and paste of a face into a space suit. 
     Another thing that bugged the living shit outta me was the movement of the characters.  When outside either space station Bullock can not for the life of her control her body.  Not the scenes where she is pushed or pulled but the scenes where all she needs to do is move from point A to point B.  She fucks it all up.  Now lets get her inside the space station.  She is like fuckin Superman in there.  Completely swooping through doors, changing course and stopping on a dime.  A few minutes later she is back outside and can't hold on to anything again or control her direction.  Must be all that wind out in space blowing her all around.
     One more thing to end this obvious angry review.  I think Sandra Bullock is pretty.  Not model or drop dead sexy but she is definitely "girl-next-door" material for sure.  How can a film take this woman and put her in a small skin tight tank top and tight ass boy shorts and it be the most unsexy thing I have seen in a film in years?  I know how, give her a lesbian bull-dyke haircut.  She really is not even attractive in this film.