My Favorite Of 'The Best Of The Worst'

     Most every person on this planet knows what this article is about.  But, for those that don't I will explain it in layman's terms, to tell the truth I only know layman's terms so it would be all you're gonna get.  There are a few of these type of films in recent years but for the most part they are an 80's phenomenon.  What they are is basically any film that you watch that is acted bad, directed bad, written bad and has terrible effects.  It's also a movie that you can't stop watching because in some weird way it is still the most exhilarating thing your eyes have ever seen.  And also that picture you can't pull yourself away from is also one you will constantly go back and watch throughout your lifetime.  The films I will write about are in absolutely no particular order because I can't for the life of me figure out which terrible movie I like better than the rest.  

1.  Flash Gordon (1980)

     "FLASH!  AH AAAAH!"  See every single movie has some redeeming factor.  But I can't say the film isn't fun, because it is alot of fun.  Pretty much everything in this film is rubbish beyond belief but it still is an awesome picture.  This film was made to be extremely corny and campy so in that would mean it is one of two on this list made to be cheesy.  There is one thing that the producers spared no expense on and that is the fantastic Queen soundtrack.  Everything would be better if it had a Queen soundtrack!  Even the poster is kinda cheesy with a slogan that says "Get ready to kick some Flash!"


2.  Solarbabies (1986)

     This movie stars a ton of the who's who of the 80's right here.  And they all do extremely not well here.  Okay so it goes like this...rollerskating teens in the future play a lacrosse meets basketball on rollerskates, while in prison until they find a mysterious orb that can communicate with them and tell them how to be free.  That right there is a recipe for total awesomeness, am I right?  Alot of people say it has some connection to Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome in that it was a chopped out side story.  Though it does look like it at times but that would be one hell of side story.  I don't know the truth of the matter, but I will say that is a great ride no matter how you cut it.


3.  The Wraith (1986)

     Charlie Sheen before he went all Looney Bin Jim on us and Sherilyn Fenn when she was in the height of sex symbol status.  Weird enough, this does not help it.  Not one actor even attempt to act.  But it still doesn't mean this is a bad film because it is totally watchable and I guarantee you will have a good time.  This film is chock full of cool car races and some good explosions and just some cool ass cars.  Not to mention the aforementioned female actor doing a topless show which is a definite plus.


4.  The Last Starfighter (1984)

     And who said video games aren't productive?  The gist of this is a guy from a trailer park gets chosen to save the galaxy against alien destruction by playing an arcade game.  You will never see another film like this one until they remake this one, which I am sure Hollywood is thinking about already.  This is one of the few first movies that decided to use strictly CGI for all the space scenes and there are alot of them.  Considering it being in the beginning of CGI I would have to say it could get a pass but they truly are horrendous.  Great story but bad everything else I hate to say, but the whole family will have a great time if you can overlook the effects.  


5.  Krull (1983)

     This vehicle stars a whole bunch of people that most do not know with the exception of Liam Neeson and Hagrid, so why the hell not watch it for those reasons alone?  Movie has some great stop motion animation and some pretty crappy makeup.  The star of the film has some extremely terrible acting and he wears striped pants, and I have to say striped pants were never in in any decade.  The film name is the planet it takes place on.  The inhabitants of this planet get preyed upon by an alien in a flying castle like thing that teleports every day at dawn. Starting to sound really good at this point, eh?  It gets better.  It appears like medieval times but the bad guys henchmen have these staff like laser guns and they fight against men with swords.  How's that for a tale? 


6.  Yor, The Hunter From The Future (1983)

     I really don't know where to begin with this particular addition to my list.  I love this movie but it really has no other redeeming factor other then it is amusing.  And I have seen it maybe more times than I have seen Star Wars, which is saying something.  Funniest thing about the SW reference is the fact that late in the film some ripoff Stormtroopers show up, albeit in black instead white.  So a little bit to get your mind going for this one here, it's about a guy with a bad wig that doesn't know his past and he fights some plastic dinosaurs and some cavemen then finds a walkie talkie in a cave and meets some stormtroopers....Wow that sounds terrible now that I attempt to write it.  Sounds even worse with me writing it.  In it's defense though it is very fun and amusing if anything else. 


7.  Beastmaster (1982)

     Alot of people the world over have seen the absolutely terrible television show and I have met so many people that never knew that it was based on an actual film.  The film is actually a really good story just very badly executed.  Marc Singer is the star and most will remember him from the being in the TV show but not as the Beastmaster.  His character finds out he can speak to animals and he wants to avenge his village.  He adopts a few choice animals and fights against some badass mothers in his journey and meets a few for his side as well, including a young and sexy Tanya Roberts who likes to swim naked.  Some pretty cool witchcraft involved and some incredibly creepy vulture bird-like people that eat people...oddly.  You could have a worse movie date I can tell you that much.


8.  Slaughter High (1986)

     I am gonna sell this right now so you will run out and attempt to find this for yourself.  A guy is victimized in high school so badly that he plans some revenge on an anniversary and he puts on a court jester mask and kills them all.  Yeah this was released during the huge 80's boom of slasher films the likes of Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees.  While those two are iconic, this little unseen gem uses a jester mask.  It is kinda creepy when it is revealed.  Some of the most atrocious acting in the history of the medium but well worth checking out for horror fans...and comedy fans for that matter.  The defenses I use for this are it has some incredible kill scenes that very few, if any, slasher films have used before it.  Just be warned that all the actors are like 40 years old and they are playing early 20 somethings...it is ridiculously obvious. 


9.  Tron (1982)

     This just may be the very first film to use CGI exclusively.  I don't know for sure but if there was one before it then that must have been terrible.  The story was years ahead of it's time and by that I mean computers weren't really a household item yet because of the size.  Few people in the world had even heard of bites and ram before much less what they were for.  Now it kinda makes sense considering the world of the computer we live in now but at the same time its ridiculous.  So the quick and ugly to help you for an appetizer is a man that makes video games for a living has his games stolen and he hacks his way into the mainframe computer and the computer fights back by...bringing the human into the computer world and force him to fight for his life playing the games he created.  One of the only movies ever named after a secondary character but it is entertaining to watch and see the beginning of these type of effects.


10.  Barbarella (1968)

     Barbarella!  My only addition to this list (so far) that wasn't made in the 80's but rather in the late 60's.  Yeah alot of cheesy films came out in the 50's and 60's but most of them were specifically made to be campy.  I think this is one of them but when I was a kid in the 80's and first watched this the dolls scene stayed with me ever since.  Weird thing about it is I had forgotten for a long time where I had seen that and it drove me nuts for years because of it.  So I rewatched it as a teenager and that scene is still creepy as hell.  Anyway, this is a space adventure starring Jane Fonda when she was in her absolute prime and she shows it alot throughout the film and really weird is the fact that it was rated PG when it was released.  I think it may have been changed to R in recent years.  IMDB still has it as PG but on Netflix it's an R so I don't know anymore.  She plays the title role and she is a special agent sent to track down the evil scientist Duran Duran.  And yes, without this movie we wouldn't have the 80's band of the same name.  Just a fun ride all the way through but be warned it is the definition of cheese.

     These are ten of my favorite but not very good films.  I may still add to it as I remember some others but until then I think everyone should start with these.  I do think there have been bad-good movies made in recent years too but there is something about just how bad they were able to make them back in the day.  Just when you're watching these from my list here try not to hurt yourself with laughter all the way through!  I do, on the other hand, want to hear about other people's favorites of bad films so don't be shy and let me know in the comments below.