I would like to start by saying I honestly wanted to like this movie. I really did. I went into it thinking I was in for an epic film of Biblical proportions...Yes, that was intended. I thought we would see a great film with a spectacular cast. I thought it would be great considering it was directed by Darren Aronofsky. At first, I thought it was quite odd that a man that has made his entire career off of making weird or just extremely odd films to be directing a film about Noah's Ark. After watching it though I can deduce that it isn't that weird because he Hollywooded the shit out of this movie. Which in my eyes constitutes as pretty weird as 99% of the world knows the story already. Kinda like naming a movie Titanic.
I will give props to this movie in one arena and one arena only. That would be the acting. Every single actor in it does a great job. Even Percy Jackson does a good job. He is a bit hateful at times but he does it well. Hermione is really making a good run to not being called Hermione any more but lets face it, there much worse characters to be known as for an entire career. Jennifer Connelly is fantastic, a bit on the skinny side, but fantastic as an actress. It's really too bad she is so skinny now because she used to be such a beautiful woman. I still think she is pretty but she was much better with some meat on her bones. Maximus makes an appearance, and by appearance I mean he is the lead role and plays Noah. He does a great job with this crappy script.
That was all the good I have to say about this movie. Everything else is, for lack of a better word, terrible. I mean everybody knows the story of Noah's Ark. Whether you're a religious person or not, you know the story. It's a pretty simple one in fact. So, tell me, why would the writers decide to turn it into a kinda revenge thriller? I seriously do not recall a bunch of big rock monsters helping Noah build his boat. I have read the Bible a couple of times and I especially enjoyed the stories in the first quarter of it, which included this story, but where were the rock People? What on Earth was that orange rock they used to make fire? So they're telling me that humans ever since this era have been rubbing sticks together to make fire when all we needed to do was have magic rocks!? I don't recall the human stowaway that befriended Noah's son and then tries to kill him.
The effects in this film are nothing more then terrible. All the animals are CGI and it's pretty bad CGI to say the least. What this huge multi-million dollar film production couldn't afford to get a real goat and walk them into the boat? Instead I don't think there is a real animal at all. Also if those two babies don't have CGI faces then they have got to be the ugliest babies in history!
The most unforgivable thing they did in this whole thing for me was making Noah into a freakin' psychopath. I mean the man had to be kinda weird to begin with, he did speak to God and he built a big boat because of that conversation and if that happened today we would just lock him up in the loony bin. But, I don't remember from the Bible when it says Noah is a true psychopath and has a "I'm gonna run around my boat with a knife, to murder 2 babies because God told me to" attitude!
Anyway, I think I am done with this movie for life now. I am surprised it made any money at all. They will probably make a sequel sometime too! If you're religious at all I have to say do not watch this because it will more than likely make you mad. If you like good special effects. look elsewhere too. Let me know what you thought of it in the comments below.
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